Thursday, December 22, 2011

The Missing Link ... bitch

Followers, friends, and bottom bitches, Stephanie and I are taking a break from our regularly scheduled blogging to bring you A BOOK REVIEW TO END ALL BOOK REVIEWS. Which is actually kind of unfortunate because I like reading book reviews … but I digress.

The book: The Missing Link. The authors: Bryan and Brandon. The book: Awesome.

A modern day Lewis Carroll-ish tale of Brent, an IT man disillusioned with his life and job, and his adventures with Mickey, his office’s security guard, as they try to rescue the world and Brent’s girlfriend Molly from the complete collapse of the Internet. With an imagination that would make Dr. Seuss quiver and comedic metaphors that ring more true then … um … something that rings the truth, Bryan and Brandon have really outdone themselves with this one. You’re right there with Molly as she fights off porn sites and scammers, and ingests penis enlargement and weight loss pills. You’re right there with the Downriver Boys (the only group seemingly unaffected by the online apocalypse) as they bear witness to the meltdown of the technologically dependent world above.

BUT I WILL TELL YOU NO MORE … because read you must. How doth one partake in the reading of said masterwork? HERE <-- Click on that OR SO HELP US GAWD

And you know what followers, after reading said book, it got us thinking here at A Tale of Two Continents about just how our world/Placerville would be affected by the complete and utter disintegration of the world wide web. Our consensus? It wouldn't affect us one god damn bit. Now, for any of you privy to the location of our little hometown away from home, you are aware that about 75% of its residents are not all together learned on the existence of the internet. Indeed, the new-fangled "satellite internet" did not make its debut until about last year, thus leaving us little Placerville-ites with dial-up and an approximately 45 minute wait time between the initial click and the final loading of any particular web page. But we still appreciate where you're going with the book guys, we really do. 

Now to explain the video below. You see dear followers, Bryan and Brandon issued a challenge to the world. They proclaimed, “PROMOTE OUR BOOK SLAVE AND WE’LL FEATURE YOUR BLOG ON OUR BLOG” — except they didn’t say it like that at all. And our response was, to quote the late, great Winston Churchill, “BRING IT BITCH.”

So we dedicate this blog post to them, our friends, and wish them the best of luck with their self-publishing endeavors. And in celebration of their new literary feat, we made them this little video which you can find the link to below because Youtube was being a poopy face tomato nose and wouldn't let us use Selena Gomez songs without her permission and, as we all know, permission is for squares. So we used Vimeo instead ... ENJOY: The Missing Link Video link <-- AWWW YEAH 

Also, I ask that you forgive Stephanie her blasphemies Bryan and Brandon, all the good chromosomes went to me … she can’t help it.

Just a little taste ^ ... and in case you're wondering, my shirt says, "Jesus is my bro, bro," but due to Stephanie's cinematographic genius, she cut it off. 

Love love,

Ashley and Stephanie 

P.S. I think we found the gremlin that ate your ethernet cords ... and in NO WAY is that an iPod charger. And in NO WAY is that our 20 lb cat BUB. 


  1. Wow, thank you thank you thank you for the killer review, the awesome post, and especially the video. Women with mustaches, t-shirts with crude catchphrases (I need to market this shit), and interpretive dance... it's like you guys are fucking Santa Claus. You just knew everything I wanted for the holidays this year.

    Also, if it's true that 1 out of 10 people who follow you will stalk and kill you, I guess we're royally fucked. Is it too late to get one of those taped up mustaches? Because I share something in common with you, in that I can't grow one naturally. Or... at least I hope we share that in common...


  2. Oh man, you're like the female version of the 118 118 guys. Being that one of you currently resides in Scotland, I hope you know who they are. If not:

  3. Of course I know who they are :{D (<-- can you see the mustache?) I hope you can. If not: see above.

    Haha thanks for reading. Merry Christmas!

  4. I am SO following you guys. (Or should I say "yinz?" I know one of you will git that.) And I haven't been a psycho stalker in a long time, so it should help better the odds for you.

  5. Um, that video was... freakin' hilarious! Genius! Great job ladies! You have a new crazy stalker... um, I mean follower. heh. :D