So I’ve been back in Glasgow for a few days dear followers and even though I was only gone for three weeks, I’ve forgotten a few vital things. Example 1: When I went to the little coffee shop by my flat yesterday morning, I ordered coffee with cream and the man looked up at me as if I had just told him I would be paying with strands of my own hair. He then said, “you just like, want it in a wee cup on the side?” And I was like, “Um yeah that’s cool.”
Now, for my American followers you are probs saying to yourself, “Ashley, I just don’t see what the problem is here.” However, for our readers from the UK, Australia, Canada, Russia, Brazil, Argentina, Belgium, India, and the one person from Kazakhstan (I bet you thought I wasn’t going to mention you BUT I DID), you are probably thinking, “BITCH YOU CRAZY BITCH.” Confused? Well when I got a cup of black coffee with a paper cup on the side filled to the top with whipped cream, I was too. And then I realized, OH WAIT this isn’t America where cream means milk — it means whipped cream. Why did I just talk about whipped cream for 200 words? That’s none of your god damned business. And since that's really the only example I have of forgetting things, we'll move on.
Speaking of being not so intelligent, today is the first day of the new semester and of course I had homework and reading that I could have had done over Christmas break. But did I you ask? Nay. I obviously chose to do more important things like beat Stephanie’s ass at Rainbow Road/Mario Kart and eat more sugar than any human being should consume in one lifetime. So I had to do it all over the last three days. And it actually wasn’t so bad except for the part where I had to read over 100 pages of poetry that made absolutely no sense. I was going to quote it, but I’m afraid of doing that so I’m just going to say that I’m sorry, but repeating the same word for twenty lines does not a poem make. Especially when it’s a word you made up. That’s all I’m going to say. And just you watch, everyone in my class is going to LOVE it. That’s usually how these things work out.
But for now, I must bid you farewell as I prepare to head out on my adventures of the scholastic nature. But just know that when Stephanie posts in a few days, she has some great stories. Like, they involve people on acid thinking she's Hannibal Lecter. I'm just saying it's probably going to be better than a story about cream. But that's just me.
And now, for some random pictures from over break I found on my phone:
I took this right before I went home.
It's the view from the coffee shop where I got bitch slapped emotionally by the barista.
An excellent angle of Stephanie Welling taken immediately after picking her up from the airport.
Stephanie at my friend's house on New Years Eve. She's shy.
Dropping bitch duck (Steph) off at the desolate airport.
Right before my flight to Glasgow, I found this massive rabbit sculpture that Stephanie and I dubbed, "The Great Cow of Sacramento International." My father later informed me that this work of art cost the city upwards of a million dollars to install. That'a boy Sacramento, that'a boy.
Not even half of my reading (for one class) this semester. NOT EVEN AFRAID
Until next time,
At the Glasgow Christmas market. No seriously